About the madness

If I were to become more vocal here about what’s really going on in my family than I already am (not saying that I will, just *if*), how would I best go about it? Would it be too much? I tried to keep things vague and insane for a reason until now (not at all sure I succeeded) but I would really like to process some more personal life stuff on this blog in written form. However, the details can be really upsetting.

I’m angry because I wouldn’t like for my story to traumatize other people, especially random and very nice strangers on the internet. It’s just my story. This shouldn’t be something that can harm, or upset other people as much as it unfortunately, realistically, might - because I’m subjecting everyone to reading about it.

I’ve put some things under read mores before, barely restraining myself from just leaving it out in the open for everybody to see. Couldn’t be bothered to create a blockable tag.

When you guys encounter a (negative) personal post from me, how do you usually react? Do you read, do you scroll past, does it affect you? Bc I’ve always meant to be a positive, encouraging person, and uplifting to others even in this internet space, however… the sewage spills here mostly because it isn’t heard irl. I never meant to fill this blog with the kind of heaviness I’m actually carrying irl. I just want to be raw sometimes. I’m sorry if it ever dragged anyone’s day down, because when you follow somebody, well… the blog’s mood does always leave an impact, obviously. But people here are so quick to block nowadays, I just… yearn… for the capacity to really wrestle with something, get what I mean? To think, to discuss, to be ugly, to be wrong, even.

Gonna put some topics down below under another read more which I would like to ramble about but could definitely be triggering to some. Idk. I wish I could scream them from the rooftops. If y'all tell me that I’m going to lose longtime mutuals though if I start to become more explicit, I’m not going to do anything here. I’ll know that it is simply not the place for this kind of traumadumping.

Love y'all.

Keep reading

I got kinda quiet about Stormlight Archive right. And it’s because the end of Oathbringer was, for the first time, something I didn’t like. It was very rushed. Needed about 300 pages more. I’m not ok about not knowing what happened in Kholinar during the final third of the book from Scar, Drehy, and Vatha’s perspectives I was so worried about them. Where the heck did Taravangian go after outright BETRAYING Dalinar. Waiting out the fight somewhere safe? Coward, I’d have gone after him for that. We also need to talk about plot holes such as the Parshmen waiting on the shore for the entire battle, doing nothing. No participating, no choosing sides, no fleeing. Not even any possessing or being possessed. Venli was everywhere and nowhere, doing everything and yet nothing. How did the population of Thaylenah not perish due to brawls of greed after there were billions worth of gemstones lying on the ground everywhere after the battle. Should have been bloody, sealing the city’s civil downfall. Can we also talk about how Amaram went out. I loved him, and I didn’t think his end to be very fitting. He wasn’t an obvious monster who would risk losing physical control of himself like that - he was a planner, a calculator, a great strategist on the wrong side with the wrong beliefs. I needed there to be a logical error in his ways that killed him, not a…beastly transformation. Although Kaladin’s question of “why are you still hurting then” still hit right in the heart; such an excellent dialogue in the midst of a surreal scene.

Anywho. Shadolin wedding came out of nowhere. Shallan shutting down the love triangle that hadn’t even properly surfaced yet was also pretty rushed - but I’ll admit that I like this. She had feelings, and she firmly chose not to act on them before it was too late. You don’t really see it done this healthily often. I just wish Adolin didn’t have this much time to doubt her and offer her an out… he deserves the loyal, faithful reciprocation of the kind of love he himself had been giving her. I think for Shallan it was just a fling, an attempt to regain control by telling herself that she had choices now and wasn’t dependent on the arranged betrothal. Adolin deserved to know about that, but the emotional struggle could still have been handled in a more private, internalized way, I guess?

Oathbringer’s ending also slept on what meeting Kaladin during the battle must have done to Moash’s inner life. Idk lots of loose ends that I don’t really believe will be resolved in satisfying ways in the later books? And then there’s Renarin. I would have loved to read more from his pov, generally. He deserves to be seen for who he really is.

I started Rhythm of War now and I’m close to finally crying. Because being introduced to Kaladin being off his game in the next book just sums this stuff up so well. “He dodged a little too slowly” he better. He better be so depressed and not know what to do with himself for a long time. Because you don’t just stomach something as complex and confusing as the Battle of Kholinar followed immediately by the Battle of Thaylenah. Nope. And Kal having his actual spinal cord severed multiple times by a random foe just sums up his torment so well. Because that paralysis is exactly externally reflective of what he’s going through emotionally. I love his character so much.

All this said, I am still positively devouring these books. Oathbringer had by far the best quotes I’ve read in fiction for a long time. I love that Sanderson isn’t afraid of answering difficult life questions well. Got something to personally learn from these interactions. Incredible.

The reason why “check out these blogs” doesn’t work for me here is because [blog #1] is VERY MUCH *NOT* [like blog #2] and I happen to know that for this very specific reason. I’m already mutuals with both of them

There are browser extensions to hide the Google AI overview btw. Just saying

Another Queen’s Thief post blew up and guess. Guess what.

It is STILL NOT the Sophos post

or the God post

OR THE OTHER SOPHOS POST

WHAT